The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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