I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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