you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
