fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
