She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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