Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
