im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
