Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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