so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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