Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
