If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
