I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
