Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
