I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
