Do you still have your period?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
