I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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