the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
