Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
