I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You can't just leave with hair like that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
