This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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