and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
