wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Couch. On fire.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
