An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
