I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
