i dont even know how to be here
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
