I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
