um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
