you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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