Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we should paint friendship bongs
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