According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
