So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
