I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
