Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
