whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
