so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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