Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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