I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
