We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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