It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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