so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
