I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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