But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
