waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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