quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
