i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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