listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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