the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
