I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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