You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
