she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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