Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
